Word up
In the BBC's last Word of Mouth language programme for the year, listeners offered proverbs for the 21st century. The compiler's top ten:
“Eat, drink and be morbidly obese.” (Carol Faulkner)
“A little bit of what you fancy does you in.” (Carol Faulkner)
“All roads lead to Tesco” (Katy Carrington)
"Lightning never strikes Piers Morgan." (Pat Harkin)
"A cut lawn always has one dandelion." (Geoff Lane)
"It is unlucky to be superstitious." (Robin Ekblom)
"Don't count your chickens until they are vaccinated." (Alec Gallagher)
"If at first you don’t succeed, lower your success criteria." (Peter Anderton)
"If at first you don't succeed, press zero to speak to a human operator." (Brian)
"There are twenty more fish in the sea." (Tom Watson)
Stephen reckons the Brits are better than us at humour and music, which is about right, though they have got a few more people. Any suggestions to defend our honour?
“Eat, drink and be morbidly obese.” (Carol Faulkner)
“A little bit of what you fancy does you in.” (Carol Faulkner)
“All roads lead to Tesco” (Katy Carrington)
"Lightning never strikes Piers Morgan." (Pat Harkin)
"A cut lawn always has one dandelion." (Geoff Lane)
"It is unlucky to be superstitious." (Robin Ekblom)
"Don't count your chickens until they are vaccinated." (Alec Gallagher)
"If at first you don’t succeed, lower your success criteria." (Peter Anderton)
"If at first you don't succeed, press zero to speak to a human operator." (Brian)
"There are twenty more fish in the sea." (Tom Watson)
Stephen reckons the Brits are better than us at humour and music, which is about right, though they have got a few more people. Any suggestions to defend our honour?
posted by Mark Broatch at 4:46 PM
40 Comments:
No news is Fox News
The best things in life are free to members
Scratch my Beemer and I’ll scratch yours
The email of the species is more deadly than the mail
A blue pill makes the part go stronger
A stitch in time saves nine pints of blood.
Where there's a will, there's a feuding family.
A penny saved is pretty worthless now.
Every god has its day.
V gd. Did you prepare these a little earlier?
Mark
A friend in need is to be avoided.
Marry in Hastings, repent at leisure.
A man is known by how many friends he has on MySpace.
After a storm comes the insurance claim.
It never rains in Australia but it pours in Auckland.
The grass is always greener in Coromandel.
There's no fool like Garth George.
Absinthe makes the brain go yonder.
And anon, I don't know about David, but I've been waiting all my life to type that comment in.
A stitch in time saves wardrobe malfunction.
The early bird really annoys the late sleeper.
When in Gore, do as the Romneys do.
You win some, you move to Brisbane.
Opportunity seldom knocks Twizel
If a job’s worth doing it’s paid in Euros
Keep your mouth shut and your dairy open
Like father like failed president
If at first you don't succeed, try a gin.
Many hands make a very tall horse
A man is known by the company he works for
A woman's hair is never done
A loaded AK47 keeps the doctor away
Buggers can't be choosers
Birds of a feather fly better than ones with chain mail
Cleanliness is next to cleanse in the dictionary
Spare the rod and use a handline.
There are two sides to every woman.
There is more than one way to skin a knee.
There's safety in numbers, except if you're a journalist.
My Labrador's urine has killed off large patches of grass in the back yard.
Could it be - the penis mightier than the sward?
All good things come up on TradeMe eventually.
The best things in life are on eBay.
You cannot have your cake and not get fat.
Money isn’t everything, but what is?
Crime does not pay as well as being a consultant.
May I add one of a more self-referential nature?
Don't cut off your nose.
Finders keepers, losers Black Caps.
First come, last sperm donor.
Give the Palestinian his Jew.
Give him an inch and he'll join the porn industry.
Great livers drink alike.
Mosquitos breed in tents.
Don't ask what your company can do for you, but help yourself to the stationery cupboard.
A closed fly catches no mouths
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
When in Turkey, do as the turkeys do.
Hydro dams make lights work.
When Charlton Heston played a doctor on the stage many years ago, a heckler shouted out:
"Is there an apple in the house?"
A Rolling Stone gathers a lot less groupies than he did in the 60s.
All’s well that ends with a post-coital cigarette.
Ask no questions and just print the press release.
Laughter is the best medicine when you’ve run out of drugs and alcohol.
Seeing is believing, unless it’s on Close Up.
There’s no place like Hamilton, which is a good thing.
When in doubt, look it up on Wikipedia.
You can’t win them all, especially Lotto.
A stitch in time saves four
Fight fire with water
A woman's work is never done
Life is just a chair of bowlies (credit: the Blues Magoos)
When the cat's away, I'm really quite sad and worried
dad4justice non carborundum
anythig 2 stupid 2 be spoken r typed. (Apologies to Voltaire)
Then I saw David's, laughed liquid out my nose, and gave up.
Oh I hate to quote Dorothy Parker, it's obviously not new or anything, but I love it so:
Brevity is the soul of lingerie
Out of the DNA scan, who is the sire ?
The early bird gets the early bloke.
Make "hai" while the pun rhymes
People in glass houses, shouldn't go without a house cleaner.
A bird in the hand, is worth two in the auction site.
Don't count your venture-capital, until it publicly lists.
Sweetwaters run high.
Too many cooks, spoil the prime time viewing.
Don't teach your grandmother how to make ASCII art.
Don't look a gift car, in the www.lemoncheck.co.nz
Twixt cup and lip, there's many a stud, bar or ring.
There no place like your home page.
Strike while the holidays start.
Don't take lattes to Ponsonby.
Look before you click.
It's like the pot calling the methadone smack.
Cheers,
Brent.
Catch a fish, feed a man for a day, Teach him to Phish and he will spam you forever.
Nothing succeeds like excess .
Absence makes the heart ponder.
Beauty is only skin-deep, which is good enough for me.
Those who live in glass houses should not walk around naked.
You can’t have it both ways, unless you’re bisexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Vini. Vidi. Verde. I came, I saw, I was envious.
It takes two months of expensive lessons to tango.
Where there’s muck there’s Ian Wishart.
Call a spade an African-American
Charity begins at anywhere that’s a big media event with loads of celebrities
All that glitters is available at the Warehouse or Michael Hill.
He laughs last who doesn’t get the joke
Two is company, three is grounds for divorce.
Once bitten, twice cry.
If a job's worth doing, it's worth getting a man in.
Laughter is the best medicine, except for drugs.
Like mother, check dad's DNA.
Look after number one, and then ask her what to do next.
The love of money is the root of all wealth.
Don’t put all your eggs in one omelette
More party pills, less speed
It’s no use crying over split infinitives
Honesty is the best policy, unless you’re pretty sure you can lie your way out of it
If the data cap fits you haven’t discovered BitTorrent
It’s Vulcan Lane that has no turning
Never put off till tomorrow what you can delegate today
Every silver lining has a cloud
Into every cheap Auckland apartment a little rain must leak
It’s better to travel business class than at the back
Life isn’t all beer and skittles. How tragic would that be?
A man’s nature abhors a vacuum cleaner
There are none so blind as those who are too vain to wear glasses
I'm fading.
But this site - http://creativeproverbs.com
- has some brilliant, probably real, proverbs from around the world.
Wisdom here, though some are a little obscure:
The monk gets married to please his friend.
Albanian Proverb
Is that like a gay thing?
A fool and his money soon end up with a timeshare
Where there's a will there's a hopeful relative
You don't get something for nothing unless you're invited to a product launch
Virtue is its own punishment
When in Paris do as the parasites do
United we stand, paedophilic we fall
When the cat's away his mail will pile up in the letterbox
The early bird catches his daughter sneaking in at dawn
Never shoot a gift horse in the head
Hey jacksonz, shouldn't that be "Don't teach your grandmother to suck kegs"?
hmmmm. You can lead a manager to information; but you can't make him think.
MB (xoxox to Phil!)
Thanks for those - they're great. My fave: "If at first you don’t succeed, lower your success criteria." (Peter Anderton). I am tempted to have that printed on a t-shirt for someone I know. It seems to be an adage they live by...
A NZ variation on Peter Anderton's
"If at first you don’t succeed, try try NCEA."
Tin Man saying: "Veni, vidi, verdigris", I came, I saw, I corroded.
Insider
When in Paris don't forget to press "record"
Insider
Beware of geeks bearing upgrades
Empty vessels make the best containers.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but ACC will look after me.
What’s good for the goose is good for the pate foie gras
Truth is stranger than the Sunday News
A profit is not recognised until it’s in your bank account
You can’t make an omelette without breaking all sorts of diet rules
Easier blogged than done
Give credit where electricity is due
Jack of all trades, master of the school pool
Garbage in, PowerPoint out
God bless the child that’s got its own KiwiSaver account
God helps those who help themselves, unless the cops catch them
Life is just a bowl of cherry pits
Beauty knows no brain
Bloods are thicker than Crips
"When in Paris don't forget to press "record""
Completely off topic, but this reminds me of something from an old Vanity Fair - guys who sleep with heiresses are said to be "coming into money".
Yes, Vanity Fair.
I can't compete; except, like the redoubtable Mrs Smith, to repeat my personal favourite: Brent's "It's like the pot calling the methadone smack." Utterly brilliant.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home