NZBC

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Thompson corners Brash over emails

Scoop's Alastair Thompson and another journalist have managed to get Don Brash and Bill English to answer questions on the leaked emails in an audio here.

In a tetchy interview, Brash says Roger Kerr "strongly opposed" the Orewa speech. He goes on to say it was very unlikely the leak came from his office and he is yet to find anyone there who would have a motive for it. He would not say where he believed the the leak came from.

He says he won't be drawn on the emails as it is all an attempt to distract attention from the important issues of the campaign and he won't be distracted.

Now my question is did Kerr ever voice his opposition to Orewa? I can't find any reference to it. The only reaction I could find from him was here. He doesn't address the race aspect at all. Maybe someone should corner him as well and ask that question. And also ask why he hasn't spoken up about it before.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The truth is over there

As another mad conspiracy publication hits the shelves, NZBC uncovers some of the real real secrets being kept from us.

Muffin Break beans Brash

Forget your rolling polls and rolling polls of rolling polls, there's only one poll that counts and it puts Labour in a narrow lead. The Muffin Break Bean Poll.

Labour 29.3%
National 27.4%
Greens 14.9%
NZ First 14.0%

Make a government out of that lot.

Monday, August 29, 2005

How many dudes you know draw like this?

The biggest game of the A-league first round kicked off in Sydney with a crowd of 25,000. The league song, by Scribe, resonated around Aussie Stadium and made this kiwi's heart swell. League star Dwight Yorke looked a bit listless, but then he's no spring chicken. Then he pulled off Sydney's first goal, a great header from 20 metres.

"Come on Suhdney! Come on Suhdney!" the kiwis chanted.

Unfortunately Melbourne equalised (truth to tell they could easily have won), with another brilliant header and their tiny gang of supporters went wild.

It was a great start to the new league, unfortunately Queensland roared and the New Zealand Knights didn't, debuting for a 2-0 loss. At least it was an improvement on the two teams' last meeting. (Picture by Malcolm Hutchinson)

Here come the nouveau PC

If political correctness is the easy reliance on pat ideological responses then the right is in grave danger. The dominance of neo-liberal ideas is being swamped by a legion of dullard flag wavers who, without anything new of their own to say, use cut-and-paste thinking to construct ever more limited worldviews. More

Friday, August 26, 2005

Mixed lollies

Corrections and clarifications, Weekend Herald, Saturday, August 20, 2005: "Stacey Jones is 1.71m, not 41.7m as reported in SuperSport yesterday."

Mark found that little item and it reminded me of a recent documentary called The Footsteps of Goliath, which found there was indeed a race of “giants” near the scene of the legendary confrontation – they were all of 1.9 metres tall – however:

The Dead Sea Scrolls have allowed scholars to check the Bible for the accuracy of its translation and it transpires that Goliath was in fact only two metres tall – not a giant in our terms, but to the much smaller people of those days, a man of terrifyingly large proportions.

Maybe in a few thousand years we’ll be recounting the legend of Stacey the 41 metre warrior giant …

And in a testament to the value of name suppression, who would have guessed? Marc Ellis admits drug charge! No really? He looks remorseful doesn't he?

Anyway, did you know some Palestinian suicide bombers wrap their thingies in flame-proof foil to save them for the pleasures of the afterlife? Apparently they do, found Mark, who is highly genitally oriented this week He also likes this on the second cruellest cut of all.

Stephen sits in front of Worldometers for, you know, hours and hours. Ditto Chris with the Underworld Diaries. Me? I like the Grand Ayatollah Sistani’s site (via Slate) especially his Q&A on what is permissible under his interpretation of Islam. I particularly like his take on copyright infringement:

Question : Can I use cracked CD software?
Answer : If someone else has cracked the software, you can use it but you are not allowed to copy or burn it.

Or the pleasures of onan:

Question : When I am unable to do Muta’h (temporary marriage), am I allowed to masturbate?
Answer : Masturbation is not permissible under any circumstances.

Temporary marriage? Sounds good to me. Mark also wants to commend the hopeful sub-editor who put the subhead on this story. Okay, I’ll get me coat.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A recipe for getting over yourself

The instant you realise that the intensity of a whisky’s aroma is beyond description you’re taken outside of yourself. To drink Murray McDavid’s Caol Ila Maverick single malt scotch is to drink a Scottish landscape, but you’ll be going there via the Loire Valley. Distilled in 1993 and bottled in 2004, this is a time traveller’s whisky. More…

Didn't he do well

Former All Black captain David Kirk is Fairfax's new CEO.

Update (didn't he do well!): The terms of Mr Kirk’s agreement with the company include a base salary of $1.2 million per year, and performance bonuses of up to 150% of base salary ... In addition, a one-off special compensation is provided of $1.2 million in benefits foregone from previous employment, with $400,000 payable on commencement of employment, and equal instalments of $400,000 payable of 1 July 2006 and 1 July 2007.

More here and here and here.

The right is so amusing, when it's desperate

Well the motorcade issue is over and justice has been done. It's time for the right to take a deep breath, forget about trying to prove back-seat passengers are responsible for speeding, and respect the judgement of the court. More

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A new trans-Tasman challenge

Australia is laying down a challenge to its old sporting foe - last one to the bottom is a rotten egg! Is New Zealand up to the challenge?

In an unguarded moment, Australia's industry minister Ian Macfarlane makes it clear that industrial relations reforms are about lowering wages, lowering them to the New Zealand level and beyond.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Driven to distraction

NZBC has seen an anonymous submission to an unpublished LTSA report that slams local driving habits. It suggests categories of drivers who should not be allowed to drive. Do you make the cut?

Monday, August 22, 2005

It's retro ... and yet so NOW!

The NZBC shop is open for business, bringing you a range of merchandise adorned with that famous Kiwi retro logo. Get in there now for his and hers tee shirts, mugs that would look great all over TVNZ's office and, especially for you young people, the traditional NZBC trucker's cap.

Labour retreads equity-sharing scheme

It's deja-vu all over again with Labour's equity sharing scheme, and for me at least the memories are all bad - particularly Phil Goff's contribution. More

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Column comment

Angst at TVNZ and a long lunch - without Bill Ralston; Judy Bailey at the keyboard; the best Sunday magazine, and no, it's not Canvas; the slipperiness of Michael Cullen; why Epsom voters should vote for Rodney Hide, if only because of Richard Worth's views on sex with horses; and Leonard Cohen's missing millions. More...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Irreducible stupidity?

Intelligent Design isn’t creationism, but it is out on a limb. With its mistaken view of probability theory and its disregard for impartial objectivity, its critics would say that it doesn’t fulfil even the basic definition of science. As long as it fails to meet the requirements of peer review, experimental testing and new hypotheses, it will always be to the sciences as The Da Vinci Code is to the study of history. More…

Moving pictures, goalposts

Kiwi Marton Csokas pops up again, and this time he's mad. But not in fine voice. Will we see cheaper movie tickets like over the ditch? Or instead fancier cinemas with couches champagne and caviar. And is Superman: The Movie really a classic? More

Friday, August 19, 2005

Mixed lollies

A Jewish mate of mine took me to Bondi the other day for some Matzeball soup, which has ignited my interest in all things Jewish – especially neuroses. That’s not to say the soup was any cop. It was a light chicken broth with two large soggy flour balls in it. Interesting if not tasty.

I swear my mate is the biggest anti-Semite I’ve ever met. It’s an interesting area, the nexus between self-loathing, misanthropy and racism … Anyway, if you’ve ever wondered what those little square boxes are that Jews sometimes wear on their forehead, Slate explains here.

Speaking of Jewish legends, Mark points out the Kinkmeister is on the campaign trail, running for governor of Texas with his sidekick Jewford. He also casts a torch on the mystery of women, and it really isn't that mysterious - they get turned on by just about anything.

Chris likes the mathematics of mattress flipping for anyone who’d flipped once and forgotten. He also likes the lost and found 122 metre (sorry 400 foot) waterfall and the chick who drugged her fiancee so he wouldn't need sex 35 times a week.

Finally, our prolific former bass player likes The Jackie Leven column. Leven was frontman of 1970s band Doll By Doll. In 1983 he was attacked and nearly murdered. Unable to speak or sing, he lost his record deal and friends (his girlfriend left him for the Dalai Lama's bodyguard) and he entered a period of psychic disorder, taking heroin and living in isolation.

He re-joined the world in 1985 after a course of acupuncture and psychic healing, and has since recorded many extraordinary solo albums.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Here come the Spacemonkeys

The NZBC is proud to present the world's most half-baked weblog awards, the Spacemonkeys. The vote is in, the awards are out and no further correspondence will be entered into.

Who will carry off this prestigious trophy? Find out here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The "neo-triumphants"

On a completely unrelated matter, I came across this "editor's insight" from NBR's Nevil Gibson:

"That Mr Wolfowitz will bring fresh vision and drive to the capitalist war against poverty goes without saying. Socialists (unless they are of the Chinese post-communist sort) cannot beat poverty but conservatives can. You won't find any kind things said about him in the media. This is despite, or perhaps because, his efforts so far have included the spread of democracy through the Muslim world and the likelihood of the Palestinians giving up terrorism against Israel."

I must have been asleep when all that happened. I'd laugh if it wasn't so tragic. The Spectator has a more realistic assessment.

"For the dwindling band of us prepared to admit that we backed the war in Iraq, there appears to be yet more bad news from Baghdad. By next Monday the Iraqis are supposed to have agreed a new constitution, and early indications have been that it will not be an entirely progressive document."

Women, it seems, will be the big losers. The Spectator concludes that "Half of freedom’s loaf is better than none." That means "democracy", of a sort, for the men and a big step backwards for Iraq's women. I can't wait to see the neo-cons embracing cultural relativism on this one.

Something fishy

Bubble Dome acts as a specialist provider of children’s content and design. It also runs activity courses and workshops during school holidays. We’d all been grounded, so we sent the NZBC’s junior guest reporter, Joe Bowman, on Bubble Dome’s recent “High Level Thinking” course at Auckland’s Point Chevalier Primary School. Joe says the hall smelt like fish and the teachers favoured the “turbo-nerds”. More...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Savoir faire

Phil Parker begs to differ: he can't stand the wine that put New Zealand on the map. One glass and makes his lips pucker and his grumbling hiatus hernia scream for Losec as the rising tide of gastric lava threatens to burn a hole through his sternum. Let your sauvignon blanc age, he says.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Fighting talk

Keep Left NZ is upping the rolling poll ante on David Farrar and others with a "poll of poll of polls", a rolling average of rolling poll averages.

“If Molesworth or any other imitator tries to roll our rolling poll of rolling polls, we’re prepared to roll theirs,” George said. “That’s a pretty threatening statement for a puny nerd and I expect it to carry a lot of weight.”

The crew have also released a new campaign video. US liberals may be (allegedly at least) a humourless bunch, but that's certainly not the case in New Zealand. Let's see if the humourless right gets the joke this time ...

Update: It's not looking promising.

Arrrooga!

As historical records at the Auckland Museum show, when car horns last made an arrrooga! sound, petrol in the city was being given away free with purchases of BP’s Wild Bean coffee and Paul Holmes was hosting a nightly TV show. How times have changed. But why spoil an eye-catching headline for the sake of historical accuracy? It was the sound of the road before honking your horn became gratuitous, petulant and aggressive. These days, that stately arrrooga! has mutated into a two-tone, attention-seeking parp! — or, while driving in downtown Auckland, add about 49 ‘a’s to that. More…

Sunday, August 14, 2005

So long, David

For his own political and ideological reasons, John Howard can’t quite bring himself to acknowledge just how important and successful David Lange was. We should never forget, he pulled us back from the brink and he did it with style. More

Friday, August 12, 2005

Mixed lollies

Another week older, another week closer to death. You won't find me raging against the dying of the light, boyo!

But while we are waiting we can at least get some good reading in. Chris recommends Blogging in the Early Republic, why bloggers belong to the history of reading (via that blog of blogs, the grandaddy blog of them all Arts and Letters Daily).

The Booker gets ever closer and the judges have set up a contest between Ian McEwan and Kazuo Ishiguro for this year's longlist.

It's war baby. No more pussy footing around with the medievalists who want to teach kids superstition.

Now this is plain weird, and, if you haven't already, you can make up your own minds whether to laugh with Insolent Prick or at him. Finally, IT goes retro with a fax scam.

Be careful out there and remember, next week, find the time ...

Crash, bang, wallop

It’s the buddy badinage, the witty sparks between the frenetic, motormouth Vaughn and the laconic Wilson, that ultimately saves The Wedding Crashers’ high-concept ass. More

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Cultivating melancholy

The German poet Goethe apparently welcomed difficult times because he thought they brought out the best in his work. “My poetic ardour was always very faint as long as I was content,” he wrote. “But as soon as I was in deep trouble, fleeing from some danger, then my poetic ardour was always ablaze. Sweet poetry, like a rainbow, only shines forth against a background of darkness. That’s why poets always cultivate melancholy.” These days, you don’t need to be a poet, you don’t even need to cultivate melancholy. Instead, you can cultivate a blog: the “monstrous stove” we fuel with our own work so we can cut out the middleman. More...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

House of pain, and pleasure

Hugh Lawrie is smart. And funny. He needs to be to reel off House's emergency room shorthand and not sound like ER on P. He'll get to the answer of every medical mystery. Eventually. After much excitement. And a few wisecracks. But how much does a show that fetishises technology and pharmacology give undeliverable hope to its presently healthy viewers? More

Fear and loathing in LA

Unlike so much of recent Hollywood production, Crash is a big film, a film that that delivers a powerful perfomance from an evergreen Matt Dillon. It deals with the way we live now and does so in a way that keeps you riveted from start to finish.

Crash arrives here next week. You really should see it. More

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Channel-hopping: Who’s got the remote?

Cathode ray junkies who’ve been thinking of subscribing to Sky Digital Television may find our channel-by-channel summary something of an eye-opener. NZBC’s thoroughly unscientific overview gives you the lowdown on the best TV programming (and worst advertising) on each of the Sky Digital channels, and reaches some unexpected conclusions in the process. More...

Explain this

Since discovering Things That Don't Exist a week or so ago I haven't been able to get some of them out of my head. So in the hope that blogging might be a weird form of exorcism, I'm going to share a few with you now. The thing that doesn't exist that has the most peculiar hold on me is The Credible Hulk, which always seems to be on the site's top 5 list.

But also noteworthy, I think are "A creature that looks like a door and sneaks into peoples houses and stands by a wall and waits for people to enter it and then digests them", the lovechild of J. Alfred Prufrock, 1:1 scale maps and Pope John Paul George Ringo.

Speaking of weird stuff, Slate's explainers are really on a roll at the moment, in recent days bringing us who decides when a celestial body is a planet, what extinct birds sound like and who gets to wake the president and why.

They don't, however, explain why you'd bother.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A riot of monochrome

Sin City is 100% pure style. Don't go to to it expecting a great story or great performances. While Mickey Rourke shines as ultra-violent criminal Marv, this is a film where the art directors and special effects people are the stars and the actors, as well as the plot, follow far behind. More

Friday, August 05, 2005

Mixed lollies: weekend browsing

I linked to a William Donaldson obituary by the Guardian before, but it is well-known among watchers of the obituary form that the Telegraph is king of the dead’uns. Unfortunately registration is required, luckily it’s free and well worth the effort for this amazing life.

Chris recommends the Bulwer-Lytton fiction competition “where www means wretched writers welcome”. This year won by technical writer Dan McKay of Fargo, North Dakota.

And he also points to this from the Guardian with some rather disturbing detail of how your mobile phone can be used to spy on you. According to a report in the Financial Times, the article says, the operators (under instructions from the authorities) can remotely install software onto a handset to activate the microphone even when the user is not making a call.

He also likes this interview with William Gibson discussing William S. Burroughs and this on Grand Theft Auto.

Have a great weekend, and remember - go on: find the time …

Go on: find the time

The evidence is mounting and the news is all good. Drinking (red wine at least) and wanking are good for you!

Australian researchers have found that men who ejaculate more than five times a week are a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. And no, sex is no substitute.

New Zealand has the third highest rate of cancer in the world and prostate cancer is a big part of that.

So, we men have had enough of being short-changed: in the style of breast and skin cancer awareness, the NZBC is launching a new public service campaign. We will try and get organisations such as the Cancer Society and The Employers’ Federation on board, but dammit, if we must we will go it alone - so to speak.

New Zealand “Have A Wank At Work Week” begins August 15!

Employers, enough lip service, now you can do your bit to really make your employees happier and healthier. If you see one of your male workers heading for the john, be encouraging. Slap them on the back and shout “Go for it, son!” Employees, be discreet and be responsible: if you make a mess, clean it up.

Update: NZBC initiative rebuffed by Cancer Society.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Blogjams and other stories

More blogs, though who's reading them? New Zealand's in-built movie triage system, and the chances of an underground in Auckland. More

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Everyone is someone else’s infidel (2)

Your NZBC correspondent wanted to know why, in 1902, Winston S. Churchill excised two chapters from his book The River War — including a controversial passage that continues to be misquoted and circulated more than 100 years later. As if to prove he wasn’t flogging a dead horse, within hours of posting this, he’d received responses from the Churchill Centre and Professor James W. Muller of the Department of Political Science at the University of Alaska. Read more at Compass: The World

Guest post: A true public health story

Forced out of the private health system, we discovered just how great our public hospitals really are. People may die on waiting lists for hip replacements, but for serious, life-threatening illnesses requiring heart or cancer surgery, the system works. It's precious and we should be proud of it, says John O'Neill. More

Monday, August 01, 2005

National's billboard botch-up

National's billboards not only sign over half of their space to Labour branding, they also carry a picture of Helen Clark. At first this may seem reasonable – if you are going to attack you have to show who you are attacking. But on a long drive north it dawned on me how misguided they are. More

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