Me bad. Me no do lollies last week. Me sorry. Me sorry excuse for Director-General.

Lee (Some Velvet Morning) Hazlewood ain’t a well man. Stephen sends this interview, full of great musical anecdotes, from the Observer. Chris is on the music beat as well, with Tom Waits going over his sozzled past, his new songs and the shame of piano-abuse. It’s all a far cry from life as a barfly, and now our Muse is releasing an album of Waits covers.

Also from Chris, via Arts & Letters Daily, Alexander M.C. Halavais spent days trying to stuff up Wikipedia by deliberately inserting errors to test whether they’d be spotted. He knew they’d be corrected eventually but he was to be surprised by just how fast.

Michael Crowley examines the plight of gay Republicans who populate the highest ranks of their party in TNR. “They must survive the slings of social conservatives and the gay left,” he says. Clive James says his website is “halfway between a space station and a university campus”. No wonder he reckons it’s going to bankrupt him.

Finally from Chris, former newsreader John Humphrys laments the death of formality. We feel his pain.

NZBC cub reporter Joe, offers this on why an article in Nature almost had some cancer researches being sued by the US subsidiary of Nintendo for misappropriating the name Pokemon.

Back to Stephen, who likes this post from Kiwiblog on why NZ has dropped a space or seven in the press freedom rankings. apparently the reason hasn’t been reported by the media.

Mark sends more on a health story followed closely by all in the NZBC office. Could be related to drinking ... Could be. And this on how to live really long and have no fun at all. He also sends 20 tips to succeed at work.

It’s just over a week to the US mid-term elections. There’s been no “October surprise”, well, none that favours the GOP anyway and you’d have to say the writing is on the wall. Well, you would if it wasn’t for the Diebold voting machines, the gerrymander and the Republican machine’s ability to get voters out to vote. Anyway, here’s Maureen Dowd on what the midterm elections really mean.

Ciao.

What a pity so few Kiwis invest in US stocks. They could have got a real deal if they’d have bought shares in Taser International Inc.

Its stock just rose on the news that third-quarter sales were up 57% on the year before and that it had not lost any of the wrongful death or injury lawsuits that plagued it in the US last year.

The country’s top cop, Howard Broad, has apparently backed away from his claim that “strong forces” would push for guns for police if the year-long trial of Tasers here got zapped. Quite who those strong forces might be remains a mystery, though Greg O’Connor, head of the police union, the Police Association, might know. He was the one who got the cannonball rolling by telling his conference that middle-class bureaucrats had no idea about the realities on the thin blue line.

“The laws are often made by those that live in the leafier suburbs who develop their law and order from dinner parties, rather than bottle-throwing parties,” O'Connor said.

Opponents of the Taser say that police are already breaking trial protocol, which says that the 50,000-volt stun-gun should only be used in “assaultive” situations, and mental-health professionals worry that it will be used on mentally ill individuals.

How is it on the frontline? Stats NZ tells us that there was little change in the offence rates for violent crime between 1994 and 2000, but it was reported earlier this year that recorded crime rose nearly 7% in the 12 months to June, violence up just over 10%. That’s pretty bad. We all fear violent crime, though probably more because the media scares it up so much. In absolute terms we’re still a fairly peaceful society.

And those of us who live in leafy suburbs, even if we only rent our branches and trunks, are far more concerned on a day-to-day basis about property crime, which grew even faster than violence. Property violation can make you feel nasty and retributive almost as much as any physical form.

If your iPod crashes every time you try to play your favourite podcast, don’t curse the podcast-maker: it’s iTunes 7.xx that’s to blame, yet again. Although not widely reported — and not at all by Apple, as far as I can tell — some savvy iPodders have figured out a workaround. Set the ‘offending’ podcast files to start playing at 00:01 instead of 00:00. Apparently, it’s iTunes 7.0’s new ‘Gapless Playback’ feature that’s causing our iPods to crash. A weirder (albeit simpler) alternative is to set your iPod’s EQ to the ‘off’ position, techphile podcaster Frank Linhares has discovered. As Linhares says, “Apple seems to have really dropped the ball with iTunes 7 and the latest firmware for iPods.” Roll out an update, pronto, Apple; your users are revolting.

Update 5 November: In spite of Apple’s claims that iTunes 7.0.2 addresses a variety of stability and performance issues found in iTunes 7 and 7.0.1, it still hasn’t stopped podcasts from crashing, so the above workarounds continue to be iPodders’ best option for the time being.

Not only does being fat put you at risk of obesity and heart attack, it also makes you dumb.

A French study found that those with a BMI of 20 or less recalled more than fatter people in a series of mental tests, and did even better if retested five years later. Can't wait for Mireille Guiliano's next offering: French Women Don't Get Fat Or Stupid.

Dr Maxime Cournot, who headed the study, suggested that hormones secreted from fats could have a damaging effect on cerebral cells, resulting in decreased brain function. "Another explanation could be that since obesity is a widely known cardiovascular risk factor, due to the thickening and hardening of the blood vessels, that the same happens with the arteries in the brain," said Dr Cournot, an assistant professor in clinical epidemiology at Toulouse University Hospital.

Bollocks, said a former UK Tory MP: "You just need to look around the world and you will see hundreds of thin nitwits and clever fat people."

One would hope they measured how smart people were before the tests. And that they didn't just pick a bunch of thick fatties and thin brainboxes. Or maybe you have to be a little silly to become obese in the first place.

Instead of planning gameshows on the basis of how well people can spell by job categories or put up a makeshift hut by ethnic origins, perhaps we should come clean and get a serious fatty v skinny thing going on. Let's not pretend for a moment that Survivor, for instance, would put somebody really ugly on the island. And by ugly I mean fat. The idea of bien dans sa peau doesn't cut it in the real world, let alone the unreal one.

It's Friday, so here's a challenge. This one is headlines you're unlikely to see in the paper.

The obvious one: Labour pays back money.

Oh, you thought of that one.

We came up with a few quick ones, but we'd love to get your best and worst.

In a doctor's weekly

Trying one's patients
Obese? Oh boy
Surgery: they're all the same colour inside
Mental notes: when your client's a loon

In a fashion monthly

High (and) waisted: how to walk when you're off your face
Needles and threads: drugs in fashion
Pulling my chain: the myth of bulimia
Pulling the wool: why seasons are a con

There is a God and he has a sense of humour. And balls, apparently. The DG and Mark like this headline, but it can’t hold a candle to this AP story from the venerable Herald News Daily:

Turkey Testicle Festival can keep name
FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. — Organizers of fourth annual Turkey Testicle Festival can keep their name, despite concerns about the propriety of the word and the island’s virtue.

Councilman Charles Meador said this year’s festival will [be] the fourth annual, and went on to list more than 12 other cities that host annual events with the name “testicle”.

The festival has raised about $3,000 for the Harry Chapin Food Bank in each of its past three years. A change in policy that requires the town council to approve special events brought the issue of the name to the table two weeks ago.

Shenko reversed his position Monday and supported the name. Reynolds continued his opposition.

Apart from relief that the Law of Alliteration is still hot, not shot, I have some unanswered questions: is the Turkey Testicle Festival insulting to Turkishness? Or are we talking fat, festive poultry? Are turkey testicles deserving of a festival all of their own? What exactly do they do at the more than 12 other annual events with the name “testicle”? How many hundredweight of turkey testicles can you buy for $3000? And what did the late Harry Chapin have to do with any of it?

Finally, whoever Reynolds is (the subeditors found him and Shenko so peripheral to this massive media scoop that they edited everything but their surnames out of the story), he seems wise to continue his opposition; Shenko was rash to reverse his position when turkey testicles were at stake.

Review: Out of the Blue
****

I'm always a bit suspicious when local films get good reviews. Sometimes you get the feeling the reviewers are a bit too generous, sometimes a lot too generous. So I was a bit wary seeing Out of the Blue last night.

I needn't have been as it is every bit as good as the raves suggest. Terrific acting from the top of the cast to the bottom, classic cinematography and beautiful direction from Robert Sarkies. Considering the content of the film it is strangely quiet, almost contemplative at times but that only serves to put the viewer more on edge.

Out of the Blue also captures New Zealand's extraordinary ordinariness and shows how special it is. Go and see it.

A couple of months ago, I got a call at teatime, as you do.

The caller was from Telecom, telling me that if I got my toll calls through his company, I could keep on my "cheaper" plan. Otherwise I would have to pay more for my line rental.

At least that's what I thought he said. His Asian accent was so strong I could only guess at some things. He was so hard to understand that I asked him to send me something in the post. Needless to say, nothing arrived. Till today.

Spokeswoman Sarah Berry said messageline was an old plan, and culling it was part of a move to simplify Telecom's product range.

Messageline costs $38.25 and covers line rental and an answerphone. Customers can either move to an anytime plan for $39. 85 or a homeline plan for $42.20.

I hope a lot of people will be like me: as alternatives keep arriving I just may be coming to the conclusion that Telecom is old option, and culling it could be part of a move to simplifying my product range.

Okay, so North Korea has the bomb and Iran is working on one - or so we're told. The International Atomic Energy Agency reckons places like Taiwan, South Korea and Japan could have one in short order - if they really want one. Indonesia is considering developing nuclear power and, suprise, so is Australia. I wonder if that's connected.

And then there's Egypt and Turkey and ...

I can't help thinking that the more countries that have them the more pressure will build on those that don't to get them. Has the horse already bolted?

George Bush loves the UN. John Howard is deeply concerned about global warming and prepared to invest billions to stop it. Labour is pissing me off. What is the world coming to?

Stephen likes Mark Steyn whether he takes his pants off or not. He notes Chase Me Ladies has banned North Korean products, well he would if they had any (stop press, they do!). He also finds some fellow travellers in Russia and this from Tim Blair.

Stephen also finds an anti-Michael Moore from Romania - he's pro business and skinny. And he likes conversations with fraudsters on YouTube, Salman unrepentant and people power a la Farrar.

Mark likes this on Rupert the kingmaker and this on Stephen Colbert (and what a good headline).

From Chris, via Richard Cooper of Thoughtcat, this Times piece about a British busker who led a prestigious book publisher on a "merry dance" with his fake history of ancient music.

Jazz rock, or 'fusion' as it was known when Chris was a lad, has got a bad rap from the music world. But this band was among the best there ever was. Weather Report play on a German TV show, performing one of their best-known tracks, Black Market.

George Gilder of Wired somewhat previously calls it "the petabyte age" and reckons the desktop is dead. Well not before bloody time, Chris says. Arts and Letters Daily reckons we'll soon have massive facilities across the globe in which all the data we'll ever use is store.

Ciao.

1. How can you tell if a bear is bi-polar?

2. How many lapsed Catholics make a critical mass?

3. Where does Rodney Hide?

4. What makes Don Brash?

Go on - you can do better.

NZBC’s mates Ünderworld have given us the heads-üp that they’re just about to do a live, three-hour TV webcast tonight (12th October on the European side of the dateline) from the Cocoon Club in Frankfurt with their old mate, German dance Übermaestro Sven Väth (pictured) joining them on stage to play Ünderworld and their favourite current club records, mashing it all up with improvised tomato visuals sent down the pipe by tomato’s John Warwicker from Sydney — sort of an interweb tomato pureé. This will happen at 10:30pm NZ time this morning (yes, that’s today, Friday). Ünderworld front-man Karl Hyde apologises for the short notice. “Hope you can join us still.” Log on for it here.

North Korea has joined the club and nobody knows what to do about it. Last year, sixty years on from the invention of the bomb, four books were published on its "inventor" or rather the leader of the inventing team at Los Alamos, J. Robert Oppenheimer.

Oppenheimer was ruined in the 1954 red scare, stripped of his security clearance a day before it expired. But before that, on leaving Los Alamos, he said his pride in building the bomb ...

...must be tempered with a profound concern. If atomic bombs are to be added as new weapons to the arsenals of a warring world ...then the time will come when mankind will curse the names of Los Alamos and Hiroshima.

The bomb would have been built anyway, by someone, though you can't blame the guy for beating himself up. On many levels he never seemed more right. Read his tragic story, brilliantly told, here.

There’s an Apple beat-up going on in the media. It’s rather as if migrating to Intel chips has saddled what was once the coolest company in IT with the Microsoft curse. But what is rotten at the core of Apple is not what you might think; it’s iTunes 7. When companies try to make technology ‘simpler’, there’s always a price to pay, and removing the options for people to correct glitches and idiosyncrasies in the company’s costly products for themselves will do the Apple brand no favours. The latest and most profound error Apple has made is the removal of the iPod Updater from its software equation. A quick look at the Apple discussion groups will prove I’m not the only iPod user having problems with the latest release of its software. Bill Bennett over at Reseller News has some words of wisdom for those waxing lyrical about the supposedly “intuitive” iPod interface, but my own words are currently rather more colourful.

Okay, sex. There's sex going on. Somewhere. And women are faking it. Cactus Kate, via Stephen, thinks this should stop and we should all start communicating - except with lesbian academics wielding big research grants.

Polly Vernon, on the other hand, envies her single friends, who seem to be getting a lot more, than she is. She finds someone who thinks we need to start communicating too.

Mark points to David Remnick's epic on Bill Clinton post-presidency, finds Michael Barrymore is, like, totally gay and Fidel could be done for. Also, Mark's "doppelganger" (he wishes) talks about being Bond.

Chris says David Haywood's post, The Baubles of Valetudinarianism, at Public Address, is stunning, and the funniest he's read in these parts for a while. Haywood is that Spartan boy, stolen fox or not. Whatever that means.

The UK right-wing website Redwatch includes photos of anti-fascists with the message that they will 'pay for their crimes'. Now, some have indeed been attacked but the site hasn’t yet been closed down. This harrowing story from Matthew Taylor should again have us examining the line between free speech and incitement.

Finally from Chris, a gratifying tale of charity and goodwill at Boing Boing. Fair brings a tear to the eye.

From Chairman Moi we have The Guardian seeking the best British and Commonwealth novel of the past 25 years and, while I've no complaint about the winner, there's nary a kiwi in sight. We just don't make the grade. British MP and editor Boris Johnson's bio sounds like a hoot.

Page-gate goes on, and Slate has its say here:

Foley's attorney says his client also was abused when he was a kid. Lawyers for (disgraced former representative Bob) Ney and disgraced former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif., announce that their clients may have been bribed when they were kids.

And what heppens when Congress passes unconstitutional laws? Another round of judicial reviews of course.

Finally, Tze Ming Mok, also at Public Address, tears Don Brash another orifice. It's a must-read.

Ciao.

It's really the end for smokers. Gitane-loving France is to follow Ireland, Spain, Ireland, Italy and dear old NZ in banning smoking in most public places.

Cafes and restaurants will need designated areas with extraction fans to suck out all the foul puff.

France apparently passed some of the toughest anti-smoking legislation in Europe in 1991, though you could have fooled me.

France's history with tobacco goes back more than four centuries. Nicotine is named after Jean Nicot, a 16th-century ambassador to Portugal who took tobacco leaves imported from America to Catherine de Medici as a cure for her migraines.

Nice one John.

President Jacques Chirac used to get through three packs a day. Some 12m people in France still smoke, 20% of the population, though if they're like the people I know and have seen, they seem to be very occasional puffers - what The Tipping Point calls "chippers" who don't get completely hooked. Perhaps not: 70,000 people die each year in La Republique from smoking-related diseases.

Expect a little resistance. Salon reckons the French see anti-tobacco lawsuits as a huge threat to their culture.

The executed working is the result of a corrected equilibrium between the employment of the manual hands of the craftsmen engages to you in the productive units and I use it of the technological systems that guarantee the best one turned out technical-qualitative.

Well, I for one believe it. Italian shoemakers never lie.

Okay folks, what music do you play when you get up on Saturday morning deeply and sincerely hung over? You know, the stuff that shakes you (and everyone else in the house) awake and sets you back on track - or, as happened to me recently, convinces you you are still drunk and sends you back to bed again?

What will it be?

From me some suggestions:

The Modern Lovers: Roadrunner
Buffalo Tom: Sodajerk or Treehouse
Husker Du: Don't Wanna Know if you are Lonely
Ramones: Blitzkreig Bop
New Order: Blue Monday (original mix, thanks)

Add yours in the comments below.

Fox news has turned ten with a 35% slump in its ratings year-on-year Other networks aren't exactly steaming, but Fox's troubles

... run a bit deeper. For 12 straight months, its prime-time audience has been smaller than the year before, The Associated Press says, while CNN has gained 5 percent in the first eight months of this year.

I have a theory about why this might be: it's piss-awful. Or maybe it's just on the "wrong side of history".

Meanwhile, there's signs of a rebellion against the seemingly endless retrenchments happening in major newspapers, with The LA Times' publisher resigning rather than accepting more redundancies.

There was an item on the news just now about the Frenchy, the brother of presidential hopeful Segolene Royal, who allegedly placed the bomb on the Rainbow Warrior. The item described him as a "frogman'.

The Girlie: "Hey, are they allowed to call French people that?"

I explained "frogman" is a slightly old-fashioned term for a scuba diver.

And this from Kiwiblog comments:

Q: Why don't congressmen use bookmarks?
A: Cos it's easier to bend the pages over.

After narrowing the approval gap around the anniversary of September 11, George Bush's ratings have settled back to their customary historical lows in the run-up to November's mid-term congressional elections.

Woodward, Iraq carnage, Foley are all counting against the Republicans. Virginia is definitely in play, another gift from a rattled GOP, but you'd still be very brave to predict the Dems will take the Senate.

Karl Rove is promising an October surprise while Robert Kennedy (Jnr) has new dirt on the electronic voting machines and the companies that supply them. Business as usual.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I tuned in to The Daily Show last night to see Pervez Musharraf sitting there being interviewed by Jon Stewart. It's casual, it's funny, it's surprisingly honest. Watch it.

I wandered out to see ska outfit The Beat on Friday and found them worthy. They'd updated their classic "Stand Down Margaret" to "Stand Down Tony" but apart from that the sounds were pretty original - even if most of the musicians weren't.

But the Tony issue isn't simple. He may be a lame duck, but still outclassed presumptive heir Gordon Brown last week, leaving the British Labour Party contemplating life without him.

Meanwhile, from Chris, Carole Cadwalladr gets an unusual look at the ugly side of Blair's England, touring desolate industrial London by riverboat. Advice: "Whatever you do, don't moor in Tottenham."

Apparently Shakespeare was hungover most of the time, and Macbeth was crap, or so reckons some bloke called John Sutherland. Chris reckons Sutherland ain't hugely convincing. Episode One of BoingBoing's 'Get Illuminated' podcast is also decidedly shaky, and isn’t helped by poor audio and the phone delay to interviewee Douglas Rushkoff, who talks about renewed interest in Timothy Leary and Aleister Crowley. NZBC's Rushkoff interview is here.

The Guardian has devoting a lot of space to Martin Amis of late. His new novel The House of Meetings is likely to put him in the critics' firing line yet again. For this piece Rachel Cooke travelled to the Hamptons to listen to Amis talk about families, fame and women.

Roving reporter Joe likes Pulp's Jarvis Cocker blogging on unintentionally scary songs (comments are good too).

Stephen points us too a jolly good fisking, Farrar on Trotter (again check the comments) and why modern recording is crap (Hat tip: Alex Ross).

If you've ever, like Mark, wondered how to get a good send-off in the papers, The New York Times shares its obituary policies here. Christa D'Souza loses her love of dogs.

From me, McSweeney's has a funny take on Hugo Chavez's anger management issues. And we'll end as we started, with 80s musicians, this time Billy Bragg in search of New England once again.

Ciao.

Stephen Franks over on Kiwiblog shares a quite amazing memory of the trial of civil servant William (Bill) Sutch for spying. After the trial, Franks says, Sutch's lawyer, Mike Bungay:

...told me the result, then could not resist adding - "that's a first - the first spy to be acquitted in New Zealand".

Hmmmm.

Campbell Live went large on a story about free Champagne at Soul Bar, sending investigative reporter Jaquie Brown down to bring back the truth. But did she just bring back the marketing? Here's what Soul have to say:

The owner of the now famous Platinum Amex Card is remaining true to his word. He has agreed to shout one free glass of Laurent-Perrier champagne to every woman who comes to Soul Bar and says “Whack it on the Platinum” till 22 October.

Now doesn't that just reek of a PR stunt?

One Spare Room (which also bought the story) commenter notes:

I am 99% certain this is a marketing ploy. Last year at the same time the same champagne company in conjunction with Soul Bar ran a month long campaign of the first glass free to all ladies. Out of all the champagnes the “property developer” could have chosen he decides on the one that was free last year too - I don’t think so.

Even the usually sceptical Mr Farrar went for it. Just what we need on the evening news. Not.