The truth is over there
Another week, another mad conspiracy publication hits the shelves with the lightest of thumps and the faintest of ink smears. I don’t wish to give it any publicity so I won’t link to its site (you’ll know of it or find it anyway). Oh, okay. The conspiro-scandal sheet rants away about most of the usual suspects, and even has Mikey Havoc claiming that Michael Jackson was a “smokescreen to divert attention away from the dirty deeds concerning the US invasion”. Poor Mikey. Poor Michael. So he wasn’t secretly loving it all, as I read between the Vanity Fair lines.
Corporation-run economies, 9/11, UFOs, oil’s not running out, suppression of boundless energy inventions, medicine is one of the leading causes of death. Can we move on?
But hang on for a second. It is becoming increasingly obvious that 9/11 was a conspiracy. The US clearly wants everyone to use its arse-about-face date format and “disappear” the use of st, nd, rd, th around numerals, in the same way that they have disappeared the “and” in years such as “two thousand and five”. Fascists.
I hope global warming is not a conspiracy. I’m rather enjoying the weeks of sunshine we’ve had towards the end of winter. Last November I was in Queensland and it was 38 degrees one day, probably in the shade, and you came back here and it was, well, cold. It remained chilly until January 7 or thereabouts in the upper north, which is well into summer by anyone’s standards. (And don’t you dare but-but-but about warm weather slithering into May; the sea was still brass monkeys.)
Imagine if our temperature went up 6 degrees. Sure we would lose some pipfruit orchards, and pinot areas might have to be replanted with shiraz, but isn’t that a reasonable price to pay for decent tans? And think of it – even more tourists!
And it would mean more of us could finally buy up all those dirt cheap inner-city houses in Wellington without fear of frostbite or natives calling us blouses because we don’t own heavy coats, and the winterless north could really become the winterless north.
Fewer people would migrate to Oz for the weather, as the Listener argues (offline) is a factor. It’s not really about the lower wages, endless race relations rigmaroles and crappy TV at all. Dampness – the mould on our ceilings, the rivers running down the inside of our windows – is our number one peev, the big kicker for jumping the gap.
Also, have you noticed that when you go to a music shop that’s got a sale of CDs or DVDs, the ones you really want are never the ones on sale? I blame Big Music. Fascists.
And what about the fact that we’re still electing our pollies using MMP? That’s a bit rank. Wasn’t it supposed to be a halfway house to STV like what they is using to elect DHBs and some regional councils? Will they resuscitate Peter Shirtcliffe? Someone, please. He’s very pale.
The truth will out. Probably.
Corporation-run economies, 9/11, UFOs, oil’s not running out, suppression of boundless energy inventions, medicine is one of the leading causes of death. Can we move on?
But hang on for a second. It is becoming increasingly obvious that 9/11 was a conspiracy. The US clearly wants everyone to use its arse-about-face date format and “disappear” the use of st, nd, rd, th around numerals, in the same way that they have disappeared the “and” in years such as “two thousand and five”. Fascists.
I hope global warming is not a conspiracy. I’m rather enjoying the weeks of sunshine we’ve had towards the end of winter. Last November I was in Queensland and it was 38 degrees one day, probably in the shade, and you came back here and it was, well, cold. It remained chilly until January 7 or thereabouts in the upper north, which is well into summer by anyone’s standards. (And don’t you dare but-but-but about warm weather slithering into May; the sea was still brass monkeys.)
Imagine if our temperature went up 6 degrees. Sure we would lose some pipfruit orchards, and pinot areas might have to be replanted with shiraz, but isn’t that a reasonable price to pay for decent tans? And think of it – even more tourists!
And it would mean more of us could finally buy up all those dirt cheap inner-city houses in Wellington without fear of frostbite or natives calling us blouses because we don’t own heavy coats, and the winterless north could really become the winterless north.
Fewer people would migrate to Oz for the weather, as the Listener argues (offline) is a factor. It’s not really about the lower wages, endless race relations rigmaroles and crappy TV at all. Dampness – the mould on our ceilings, the rivers running down the inside of our windows – is our number one peev, the big kicker for jumping the gap.
Also, have you noticed that when you go to a music shop that’s got a sale of CDs or DVDs, the ones you really want are never the ones on sale? I blame Big Music. Fascists.
And what about the fact that we’re still electing our pollies using MMP? That’s a bit rank. Wasn’t it supposed to be a halfway house to STV like what they is using to elect DHBs and some regional councils? Will they resuscitate Peter Shirtcliffe? Someone, please. He’s very pale.
The truth will out. Probably.
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